New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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