even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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