Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize