How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
