insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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