apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
