Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
