Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
