You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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