Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
