I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
