I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
