Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You smell like stripper and shame
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She told me I should be a condom model.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
