And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
