She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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