Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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