He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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