East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
