K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
