why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
