somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
