I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
