We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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