So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
COCAINE IS GR8
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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