I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
