Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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