3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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