this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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