eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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