It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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