yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
