Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
