Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
