We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize