and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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