my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
