Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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