and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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