I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
