she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
