I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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