sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
