I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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