He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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