is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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