youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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