Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
