people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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