i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
