I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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