Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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