I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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