it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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