There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
