in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I checked into jail on foursquare
Why is your signature on my underwear?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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