Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
