I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
