Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
