Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
