omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
