he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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