i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Sponge bath it is.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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