how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize