All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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