I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
