i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize