2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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